Break

Dear readers

I'm taking a short break from leonalo.com and the associations of being a transsexual woman to find myself again. I just want to be Leona in the month ahead. I will be back in the new year with glad tidings.

I wish you all a warm and happy Christmas
Leona

Beautiful or ugly?

If we want to see beauty in something, all we can see is beauty. If we want to see ugliness in something, all we can see is ugliness. The way we see and experience things boils down to personal choice. Would I make a good mother? I don't know. Because I can't be sure that I will always see the good in people, and the beauty in this world, I'm not sure I will make a good mother. I'm not sure I can pass the right "perspective" to my child. Because sometimes, sometimes I don't see my own beauty. I don't always stand up and walk away when people say shockingly appalling things, like when one of my closest friends said gay men shouldn't be allowed to adopt children because they may abuse the kids, and another joked about how the kid would address his fathers...their remarks were callous and spine-chilling, because, who knows what they may think about me, about my own "right" to adopt. And so the world is a confusing, vexing place, because your friends harbour prejudices too, and when these are exposed, do you still choose to see the beauty in them, or recognise ugliness for what it is and call it by its name? There are no easy answers in this world. Yet perhaps it is only in moments like this, that we are closest to God and our beating heart, and we remember that we too, are fallible, and others too, have chosen to see the beauty in us, at some crucial moment in our lives.

I love the diversity of our multi-coloured world - do you?

In Fanny Flagg's Welcome to the World, Baby Girl, the lead character Dena Nordstrom discovers in a shocking plot twist her Negro heritage, and finally realises why her mum mysteriously disappeared so many decades ago. In the
1940s-1960s, there were vast pockets of discrimination in America and Europe against individuals with even one-sixteenth of "Negro" in their blood. And once you had "Negro" stamped on your documents, doors were slammed shut in your face. Dena's young, prodigiously talented brother was "outed" by a black columnist and was thereafter shunned by the music community. He ended up desperate and destitute, with his life in tatters. In order to protect Dena, her mum fled Europe to America where she raised the girl in stealth, before being "outed" herself.

Like Dena's ancestors, transsexual women today have to choose between living in stealth and asserting their identities. Many doors have been shut in my face since I "outed" myself as a trans woman. But at least, I do not feel impotent and helpless when trans women are bullied. I can stand up for myself, ourselves - and even if my actions do not bear any fruit, at least our voices are heard. To be able to make a stand, to live and breathe in your own true skin, that's what being alive means. And we don't just stand up for ourselves. We stand up for other oppressed people too. So when yesterday, some close friends of mine said the most appalling things about gay couples - that they should not be allowed to adopt children because they will only abuse the kids - I chose to stand up and walk out on them.

Leona

Transphobia on the Big Screen

Henceforth, all transsexual women should be portrayed positively on the big screen - true or false? I would replace "positively" with "sensitively". By "sensitive", I mean in such a way as to reflect their difficult social circumstances, and to avoid entrenching already pervasive stereotypes of the trans community. The Tamil film industry's portrayal of trans women leaves much to be desired. Here's why

Reverse the Tide of Fetishisation

Shemales, Tranny, Ladyboys - these are invectives flung about by hate-filled individuals, mostly men, to flay and dehumanise transsexual women. It does not help that disproportionate numbers of trans women are in the sex and porn industry, compared to their non-trans counterparts. In Singapore, Orchard Towers and Changi Village are considered "rites of passage" for trans women. Our Road to Santiago? No way.

Make a stand today against the porn industry and the sex trade. In Singapore at least, there is no excuse for turning to prostitution. If you need me to write a letter to or contact a potential employer to clarify your situation, I will help you.

Ours is already a difficult journey - don't make it more difficult. The next time someone - and this could be your friend, relative or casual acquaintance - starts to make the trite association between trans women and the entertainment industry, do not sit there and just smile. Stand up for who you are - a wonderful being who lives her life with pride and dignity.

Love & Relationships Video - Refilming required

Greetings! The Love & Relationships video needs to be refilmed as it's grainy and there's lots of background noise. So please bear with us as we redo the video. I feel it's a very important and useful video so watch this space!

Love & Relationships

When I was transitioning I didn't have the benefit of someone sharing with me the pitfalls of love and relationships because people did not believe I had a right to "love" a man. Well, I've got news for you. You're perfect as you are and you deserve love and marital bliss like any other woman. The key is to keep an open mind, let go when you have to, and learn to recognise the different categories of men. Good luck! And thanks to E. for filming this!

Following your own heart

I am often asked, why I'm not wealthy, given my "intelligence" and why I'm not in a nice relationship.

And my answer to this question is: I'm not that intelligent, but I follow my own heart, which leads me to unexpected places. Sometimes I feel intensely alone and depressed, like today, but this is also when I call on God the loudest. And I know He is not far away, which gives me incredible strength and courage to go on following my own heart.

Sometimes I don't follow my own heart because I'm afraid that God will not deliver, and this is when I stumble, sometimes so terribly that I don't have the tears to define the pain, but I always find my way back with God's help.

And so, if you ask me, do I believe in God, do I have a religion, I will say yes, I believe in God, but I don't have a religion. I have a spiritual relationship with God.

New video - Love & Relationships

I will film a new motivational video tomorrow on "Love & Relationships" that I'm terribly excited about because it will coalesce my personal experience on the subject. The aim of the video is to motivate women in general to follow their "personal legend" and be true to themselves. Both transsexual and non-transsexual women can benefit from the video. It will also help men gain useful insights into the transsexual condition - and how their reactions to and treatment of trans women reflects their own characters, hang-ups (if any) and upbringing. Watch this space.

I would appreciate it if you could post your feedback regarding the videos on youtube. Your feedback will help me shape the new book I'm working on.

Thank you!

High Stakes Courtroom Drama Retraced at www.thepumproom.com

Alcohol, interior design and a tranny. The high-stakes courtroom drama involving the Pump Room and Poole Associates will be played out at the Supreme Court on Monday, 3 November 08. Log on to www.thepumproom.com for the details. Do not be surprised to see this "ladyboy's" appearance on the website.

Love

This blog is about social change and how we can bring about effective social change through peaceful means. "Love" somehow doesn't seem an appropriate topic for the blog, and yet "love" is truly that one great emotion that can stir me to action. Because of love, my restful sleep is disrupted. Because of love, I feel hopeful. Because of love, I can run 15 km without feeling exhausted. And yet in my chequered past, most of my relationships have been failures - what makes me continue to believe in "love"? Because there is no other way. Denying that I need and want to feel loved would turn me into a cold, bitter person. And I've seen how, through it all, I've grown as a person. I've accepted my physical and character flaws, and worked to refine the latter. I've also discovered that it's ok - and in fact better for everyone - to be who I am and to do what I love to do, than to compromise in the hope that love would run to me sooner. By this, I mean continue to embellish my website, continue to give motivational talks, continue to run long distances competitively, continue to grow my mosaic art box, continue to windsurf into the sunset. I don't have to change myself to fit into a box of the "picture perfect" woman. I think I'm more lovable like this. Although I will still try to remove my tummy fat...